Проблема из прошлого (Problems from the past)
by TwistedTeaCakes
Summary: Natasha has been having trouble sleeping, what happens when Bucky is finally back and seems to be remembering more every day? Will old flames spark again? What about if they are called to Russia on a mission? Will they survive the reminders of their past? Read more to find out! M for later chaps, BuckyNat, other pairings mentioned later. Based off a rp
1. Nightmares

_**AN: I do not own any of the characters or anything in this fic except the ideas that were contributed. This is a collaboration based off of a rp. Hope you enjoy :)**_

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Natasha had been in the gym for quite a few hours now, beating at the punching bag viciously, her knuckles bleeding slightly from the fact she hadn't bothered to wrap her hands before starting her workout. She had woken from a typically restless sleep, and her only thought had been to work out some of the anger and energy that was being pent up for so long. It was as if the innocent bag of sand was the true source of her problems, even though it wasn't. Sleep deprivation wasn't uncommon for her, and it had been growing worse lately, a mission gone wrong that no one seemed to realize had really gone wrong since the information had indeed been gathered and unfortunate events happened all the time. Coffee had quickly become a new friends of hers, even if she barely liked it. As her punching and kicking continued, she could see it was slowly tearing. The chain on the bag eventually snapped, and she slouched forward a bit, breathing heavily and clenching and unclenching her fists to calm down.

She heard the door to the training room open but she didn't even bother to look up. She knew exactly who it was by the slight pause after the door and the recognizable gait. "I don't need a lecture," she said.

"You're letting yourself go Natalia." Natasha's head jerked up. This was not who she thought it was. She looked at her guest as he gave her an award winning smirk. "I know I trained you better than that, Talia."

"James? Oh my God.. I guess he found you after all." she said, quickly covering her surprise. "What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep. Seems like you're dealing with the same thing?"

"Yeah. This seems to help." she said with a shrug, glancing over at the fallen bag with a glare. "It didn't hold up very long though."

Bucky laughed slightly while crossing his arms and shaking his head. "I know you better than that. What's really going on with you? You've never had trouble sleeping."

"Just a bad mission, old memories." she responded, turning away to get her water and grab the first aid kit off the wall to clean out her knuckles and wrap them like she should have initially. "What about you?"

"Well now that I remember all the shit Hydra made me do, it's pretty hard to forget. It's nights like these that I still wish they'd wipe all that away you know?" He shrugged nonchalantly and went over to Natasha to help her clean her wounds and wrap up. He gave another small laugh. "Ah Nat, you remember these days?" He leaned forward and kissed her knuckles. "This is why I'm glad I'll never be wiped again."

"They all started returning slowly after I joined SHIELD." she said, her lips curving up slightly as he began to help with her hands. "I'm glad too, it's annoying to constantly feel like there's a block you can't break through completely."

"Yeah trust me, I know what that's like. I'm sorry Natalia. No one should be put through that and especially not that age they got you. I'm sorry I was part of the reason that happened to you."

"Don't worry about it." she said, giving him a small reassuring smile. "It's useless to sit there and wish things had been different, it won't change."

"Yeah I guess you're right," he said, giving her a sad smile. "So, how would you like to spar hmm? Just for old time's sake?" He gave her another award winning smile, trying to sway her in his direction.

"Sure, if you're up for it." she agreed, still feeling like she had too much energy pent up and needed to be rid of it. Sparring with him might just be a good way to do that.

"Up for it? Oh honey, I could still beat you in a fight," he said chuckling as he got into a fighting stance.

She also got into a fighting stance, sizing him up and waiting for him to strike first.

"Alright, doll, let's see what you got!"

Immediately after he'd finished his challenge, she struck quickly with her leg and knocking them out from underneath him. He looked up at her from the floor. "So that's the game we're playing. Alright, Talia, I can play." Bucky jumped up quickly and struck her with his metal arm. Not hard enough to wound her terribly, but enough to send her to the ground

She grunted slightly at the hit, and quickly shot up from the ground, striking again with her feet as she got up, then getting into the defensive position again. His movements became more rapid as he came at her a second time. He tried not to lead with his metal arm since he didn't want to do any permanent damage. But Natasha kept matching his moves and fighting back harder until they were eventually both sprawled on the ground, with Natasha straddling Bucky.

Natasha smirked slightly as she looked down at him, keeping him pinned there with her weight, even if she weighed less than him. Her breathing was heavy from the exertion, but she seemed to be in a slightly better mood than earlier. "Seems this is how most of our sessions ended."

"Funny," he said as he mustered the energy to flip them over so he was on top. "I remember it being the other way around." He dropped all of his weight on her while saying, "but what do I know? My memory's shit."

"Both our memories are pretty messed up." she agreed, the shift in his weight earning a slight grunt. "I should ask, what the hell have you been eating."

"Eh you know, been trying new things. Your friend Stark recommend some great new thing called schrwanda or something? I don't know, but it's delicious."

She chuckled slightly at the memory of the first time she'd decided to try it, which had been with the rest of the team. "Schwarma. Nice try though, and it is pretty good." she agreed

"Yeah that stuff!" Bucky began purposefully squirming on top of Natasha. "Jeez, you'd think these training mats would be more comfortable."

"You wouldn't know, you're hardly even on the thing." she said, her words sounding just slightly strained from the shifting weight.

Bucky very quickly jumped off of Natasha and on to his feet, causing her to grunt slightly from the weight shift as he got off. He extended his hand towards her. "Come on, princess. Enough training for tonight. You need to get some sleep."

"You're impossible." she scoffed, accepting his offered hand out to her and standing up.

"Only for you, baby," he said leaning in close and then tickling her sides once she was on her feet. She squirmed slightly at his actions and just hit him once in the chest, not with enough force to actually hurt.

He laughed at her reaction and then looked at her sternly. "But seriously, Talia, you need some sleep. You look like your head hasn't hit a pillow in days."

She sobered quickly at his words and just shrugged. "Yeah I guess.. I've tried a few times though."

"Tried? Define tried, Talia. I know you, remember?"

"Fine. I laid down for maybe ten or twenty minutes, couldn't get to sleep, so I end up here most nights." she said, averting her gaze slightly.

"Sounds like a great attempt," he said monotonely. He walked toward the door a little, held out his hand for her, and inclined his head toward the door. "Come on."

She just nodded and followed him out of the room, knowing that he was right and that she needed sleep. The only reason she was probably functioning at that moment was the leftover adrenaline and all the coffee she'd been drinking.

He walked her to a room that she'd only ever seen in passing. "What are we doing?" She asked.

"I told you. We're going to bed." He opened the door to a fully furnished bedroom that was obviously his based on the "decorations" about the room. She glanced around the room slightly as they entered, and just followed him over to the bed, sitting on the edge.

"This way," he said as he stripped out of his shirt. "I can at least make sure you're trying. And besides, I've heard that sleeping with someone else can help reduce nightmares. Steve's idea, not mine."

She just rolled her eyes and just undid the shoes she'd been wearing, since she could sleep in the tank top and shorts. "Well then, I hope it works."

"I do too." He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head as he crawled into bed. "Join me when you're ready. You can shower if you want, just through that door," he said pointing toward his en suite bathroom. "Clothes are in the dresser if you need some. Мое место ваше место"

"A shower is probably a good idea." she agreed, deciding to just see what was in his dresser before going to shower. She left the shirt she'd grabbed on the counter before stepping into the stream of water and beginning to wash herself off.

It was about six minutes later when she got out and she quickly towel dried her hair and dried herself off. She grabbed the shirt off the counter and slid it over her head, then walked out of the bathroom and over to the bed. At this point she was having a hard time keeping her eyes open, and just fell onto the bed beside him, tugging the blanket around herself with a yawn. "Goodnight James." she murmured, before sliding her hand under the pillow out of habit and curling up a bit.

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Despite the fact both of them had wanted to believe the idea of sleeping with someone else would prevent the same nightmares from replaying, it didn't seem to work so well. She was twitching slightly and her breathing had grown erratic, one fist clutching the blanket. He was woken by her mumbling and a slight kick to his leg, and he woke quickly, looking over to see what the source was. When he saw how pale she'd grown and the way her lips were moving rapidly but without any sound coming out, he instantly recognized the signs of a nightmare and that she was distressed by whatever she was seeing. He quickly began trying to shake her awake, and after a moment his eyes met startled green ones, and she was breathing heavily.

"I'm fine." she said almost automatically, blinking a few times to chase off the lingering images.

"Please Talia I know you're not. What were you dreaming about?" he asked, concern evident in his voice as he looked down at her.

"Nothing. Just old memories, you know how those go." she said, trying to brush it off.

"Yes, I do. Now what were they about, you looked pretty upset." he said, clearly not letting this one go.

"I already told you.. It was a bad mission."

"I've seen you go through bad missions, none of them made you react this way."  
She didn't answer for a moment, just moving her head to the side to avoid the concerned look on his face. "I'm fine, alright? Those times I didn't exactly have half the thought process to feel bad about much." she muttered.

He frowned slightly and just moved his hand to the side of her face to make her look at him. "Seriously, just tell me what happened." he said, clearly not going to drop it.

"Fine.. It was a mission, maybe three weeks ago, but.. It went south. I was planning to get the information out of the people when they thought they were interrogating me. My.. my cover.. the girl who was supposed to be helping with maintaining a believable cover, she got wrapped up in it. They tortured me for a bit, usual things, waterboarding, beating, nothing that I haven't been trained for… When they saw that I wasn't so easily affected.. well.. they grabbed her from another room. They tortured her in front of me.. she wasn't trained half so well, she died from exhaustion and pain by the next day. She cried.. she begged them to stop, that she had no information. They didn't care, they knew they could use her against me, that I would possibly crack. When she died so quickly, there was really nothing left to try and protect.. I got out in the end, the information was delivered without them getting any of it, mission was labeled as a success with a minor casualty." she refused to meet his gaze as she spoke, the distress clear in her eyes as she blinked a few times. "I could've.. I could've been less careless, she wouldn't have had to die."

"Natalia.." he cut himself off and just ran a thumb over her cheek. "You can't blame yourself for everything. Missions have risks, you can't avoid them or blame yourself just because of one incident.."

"I know.. I know. I still.. I wanted to protect her.. I fall asleep and I hear her screams and pleading for them to stop.."

He quickly pulled them both into a sitting position and ran his hand over her hair lightly, hoping to provide some form of comfort to her. She just stayed there, leaning into the comfort of his familiar hold and after a few minutes the tension slowly eased from her body. When he sensed that he laid her back down gently and put the blanket back around her.

"Get some more rest, I'll be here when you wake up." he assured with a smile.

She nodded after a moment of hesitation, then glanced up at him once before closing her eyes and trying to sleep. He draped one arm around her after a moment, holding her close and hoping that maybe this time their little trick might work. It was a few minutes later when he heard her breathing finally evened out and the tension leave her body as she succumbed to her body's need for sleep. He followed suit after a bit, resting his head on the pillow and adjusting the blanket over them with the other hand.

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 **Translations:** Мое место ваше место - My place is your place

 _ **Rates and Reviews are also VERY appreciated!**_


	2. Coney Island

Natasha blinked awake slowly to the sun shining in through the window and hitting her face. She buried her head in the pillow for a moment, knowing that with the way the sun was coming in they had managed to sleep until almost noon. She was tempted to go back to sleep, but instead forced her eyes back open and stretched her legs a bit.

"Good morning princess." he hummed, causing her to roll over a bit to look at him. "I guess our little trick did work after all." he seemed a bit pleased with himself as he watched her and pushed some hair from her face.

"I guess it did. I normally don't sleep in this late." she said, slowly sitting up and stretching her arms over her head.

"When was the last time you even had a day off?" he asked, only earning a shrug in response and she thought.  
"A while ago I guess. I'm normally busy, or I don't see much of a point. Why?"

"Because, I think you need a break. You always seem to be busy or training. We could go do something fun. You do remember what that is, right?" he asked in a teasing tone.

"Shut up Barnes." she scoffed, nudging him with her elbow but not actually getting annoyed.

"Come on, go get dressed, we can go for a walk and find somewhere to eat for breakfast." he suggested.

"Fine. I'll meet you down in the lobby in ten?" she suggested, sitting up and stretching her arms above her head again as she stood.

"See you there." he agreed as she left the room.

She walked down the hall and took the elevator to her room, stretching her arms above her head a bit as she walked. She was glad to have finally gotten some sleep, and hit the button for her floor once the doors opened. It only took a few seconds after the doors closed for her to reach her floor and she walked out to her room. Pushing the door open, she tugged her shirt off over her head and tossed it into the hamper as she walked to the closet.

Natasha changed into a simple tank top, dark skinny jeans, boots and a dark jacket. Then she grabbed her phone off the dresser where it had been charging, slid it into her pockets, and grabbed a comb to run through her shoulder length hair. After checking her reflection and going to the bathroom to wash her face with some cold water she turned and left the room.

After a quick ride in the elevator, she met him downstairs and saw that he was wearing a jacket and gloves to hide his arm. He smiled at her and opened the door for her to walk out with him. "Know any good places to eat around here or should we just walk until we find something?" he asked as they stepped outside.

"I know a few places, one of them is fairly good and in walking distance."

"Perfect, then let's go." he agreed, already starting to walk.

"James?" she said, causing him to stop and turn around. "It's this way." she said, tilting her head to the other side in indication.

He didn't respond and just turned around to follow her lead, just rolling her eyes at the smirk she was giving him. He draped one arm around her shoulder as they walked, and hummed to himself a bit. "So what exactly is this place you're taking me?"

"You'll see." she smirked, just continuing to walk.

It didn't take long for them to reach a small hole in the wall place that served pancakes. It was simple, and she had met the owners before, they were nice people it seemed. The interior was decorated with homey and vintage looking decorations, but it wasn't overbearing like some places tried to be. They were seated in a booth in the corner and given menus, and she began looking over hers. "It's a nice place." he commented. "Yeah, small, not overpriced, and the foods actually really good." she agreed as she put down her menu, deciding to get some fruit topped pancakes with syrup. He decided to pick some simple blueberry ones and when their waitress came by they placed their orders.

Once their menus were taken and they were left alone, he reached across the table and took her hand. "This is a nice place. How'd you find it?" he asked.

"Hiding out for a bit, I visited here since it wasn't very well known. I decided the food was good so I just keep coming back."  
"Well then, I hope it's as good as you say."

"It definitely is."

They lapsed into silence for a minute, just looking over the area a bit and enjoying the peaceful atmosphere of the place. The food was put down in front of them, and she grabbed her fork. He proceeded to douse his in syrup, and she rolled her eyes at the fact that had never changed.

He moaned as he took a bite of his pancakes, and then started devouring them. "These are really good." he said between bites.

"I told you they would be." she said and chuckled a bit, since he was acting like he hadn't eaten in weeks. She resumed eating after a moment of watching, only pouring a small amount of syrup over her own. They ate in silence for a bit, before he reached over and stole one of the pieces off of her plate.  
"Thief." she chuckled before reaching over and doing the same. When he reached over for another piece she blocked him with her fork and smirked. "You really never changed." she shook her head but sounded amused.  
"Nope." he agreed as he moved his fork to the side quickly and snagged a piece. They usually ended up doing this, one stealing off the others plate only to get into a small battle over the last few pieces on the plates.

She swiped the last piece off of his plate after a brief stare down, and she smirked as she chewed it. "I win."

"For now." he said and smirked.

"What else do you think we should do today?" she asked after a brief moment of silence between them as she took a sip of her drink.

"Steve and I used to go to this place, Coney Island, when we were younger. He threw up on one of the rides. I wonder if it's still around.." he trailed off as he remembered.

"It is, I've been there one time with the others."

"Really? It's still around?" he asked, his eyes widening a bit.

"Yeah. People still love it too, so I don't think it'll be going anywhere soon."

"We should go." he said, his expression now one of a child on Christmas morning. He looked ecstatic to find out a memorable piece of his past was still standing strong.

"Definitely. I'll get the bill and then we'll leave." she agreed before raising her hand and giving a signal to their waitress who was just walking over to check on them. She requested the bill, and the dirty plates were taken away, leaving them to their drinks to wait. It didn't take long, since the place was relatively quiet this morning, so she was back with their bill in under a minute. They paid the bill, leaving a nice tip and then got up and headed for the door. As they walked, he put his arm around her shoulder again, humming a bit.

Thankfully the walk wasn't too far, and the breeze had picked up causing the weather to cool off a bit. He was practically bouncing but was also trying to keep himself composed as they headed towards the Cyclone, and she was amused by how happy he looked.

The line was relatively short compared to most days, and after a few minutes they were being seated. She managed to get them into the front two seats, figuring those would be the most enjoyable of all for him. The bars were put down and she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as the rest of the bars could be heard going down behind them. "Hope it hasn't changed too much over the years." she smirked just as the ride started forward, and she caught him beaming as they headed towards the first slope. At the top would be a drop, and then it would begin to speed up, which she knew he was already remembering. Colors began to blur in her periphery as they dropped down, and then began speeding over the tracks, cheers erupting behind them. Some were even sticking their hands up in the air from what she could hear people cheering at the others near them. She decided to give it a try and lifted her hands up, and saw him doing the same beside her and laughing. Actual laughter. She hadn't heard something like that from him in a long time, and it only made her laugh in response even if her stomach was being pressed against her spine.

As soon as the ride had started though, it was coming to an end and their racing over the tracks began to come to a crawl. Laughter still rang out from the other passengers behind them, and the bars that had kept them inside the ride were lifted up. They all stepped out with slightly unbalanced legs, but the two of them were too stubborn to show even that amount of disorientation.  
"Looking a little green there James. You okay?" she asked, even if she too was realizing pancakes so soon before a ride wasn't exactly the greatest choice they had made.

"Yeah. Of course, what about you?" he asked, clearing his throat a bit after.

"I'm fine."

"How about we try the Thunderbolt?" he suggested.

"Sounds good, let's go." she agreed and they headed in the direction of the ride. Screams could be heard from the passengers as they approached, and they looked up at the drops. The line was thankfully much longer, which would give them time to let their stomachs settle completely and relax. Natasha glanced up at him when she heard him humming a tune to himself as his eyes wandered over the crowd.

"You hum a lot today." she noted.

"I know, never really had much occasion to for a while though."

"True. It's just something new to see you doing."  
"How about we make this interesting, considering we're probably going to be here for a bit."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Little bets. You sing or dance, I could sing or dance. But I'm not going to do it free."  
"Definitely enjoy anytime you'd make a scene out of yourself."

"Would you pay me?"

"I could. Depends on how much you'd want."

"Fifteen dollars and you sing for me?"

"I'll give you the fifteen, but I'm not going to sing."  
"Fine.. but I'm not going to give up on this."

She just shrugged and decided to take a step back so he could have a little room to do whatever dance it was he had in his came out of his mouth caused her eyes to widen slightly, and a few people to look in his direction curiously. It was clearly some song from his time, or maybe earlier, but she could tell it was older. "That's my baby. No sir, I don't mean maybe. Yes sir, that's my baby now!" he sang, giving her a small smirk before raising his voice a bit and beginning to dance along. "Yes, ma'am, we've decided! No ma'am we ain't gonna hide it! Yes ma'am you're invited now!" he was now drawing the attention of those even farther ahead of them in the line and she couldn't fight the laugh that bubbled out of her. "I'll say yes sir, that's my baby. No sir, I don't mean maybe. Yes sir, that's my baby now!" he finished, bowing to the people that had stopped to watch him and grinning. Then he grabbed Natasha and spun her around once, winking once. "Pay up princess. Now it's your turn." he reminded her before withdrawing his hold.

"Fine. But you're also letting me pick the next ride we go on." she stated, before taking a small step back. She wasn't wearing the right shoes, but she figured she could just do something simple without having to go en pointe. She exhaled slowly before beginning a simple routine, mostly from memory. Her foot moved to her knee as she spun around, arms bent at her side. Her hair whipped around her, and then she ducked lower before continuing her routine. A few people had decided to stop and watch as her body moved, wove, and spun around in a complex looking routine. She thought she heard something from James as he cheered her on and she resisted the urge to glare at him. Just as she finished her dance she realized she had also been moving with the line forward, and she finished by dropping to the ground, her hair hanging around her downcast face. Slowly she got up before giving a small curtsy to those who had decided to watch, and then she turned to face him fully.

"Enjoy the show?" she asked, arching a brow before extending one hand for the money.

"Definitely." he agreed, smirking as he put the twenty in her hand.

"You do realize I just made you give me ten dollars and you got nothing?"

"I got you to dance and make a scene, I think that was worth it." he said smugly. She only responded by shaking her head and following the group ahead of them onto the ride. They were in the middle this time, but she figured it wouldn't be that much of a loss. The bars came down over them and after a few seconds began moving. It was slow at first, and they began going up the slope where the drop would begin. Drops seemed to be popular in these kinds of rides, she observed. Her heart went to her throat as the ride suddenly shot down, and then raced towards a loop. The colors blurred again but she was aware of being upside down for a few seconds and her hair hanging towards the ground rather than being against her back as usual. People were screaming ahead of her, and she was back to laughing. Something about roller coasters released a bit of the child that had been suppressed for so long, and she could tell James was enjoying it just as much. The ride was over after less than a few minutes though, and she was a bit disappointed when the bars were lifted off of them. She followed him off the ride and then took his arm to lead him towards a booth. She had begun to feel a bit thirsty, and also like they should sit down and relax for a moment.

"Why don't you sing for me Natasha? I could pay you more." he tried again, not seeming to drop the subject, especially now that they were sitting still.

"I don't know what to sing." she lied, just shrugging her shoulders and taking a sip of her water.

"Come on, for me? Heck, your next husband could be on any of these rides. Like some bad romance movie he could hear your singing, and rush to find you. Then you two run off into the sunset and I'll obviously be your best man." he said and smirked.

"Considering how well my first marriage worked out, I don't think so." she shook her head. "Plus anyone besides you would be a civilian and I have no desire to go into that mess."

"True, what was his name anyway? The memories and such are only now really coming back.. Alistair? Alex? Something with an A.." he trailed off before noticing the far off look in her eyes. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah… Yeah. What do you want to do next?" she asked, quickly composing her expression.

"I highly doubt that. Is it what's his name? Did something happen?" he asked, reaching over to take her hand and give it a comforting squeeze.

"They killed him. Well, I think they were behind it. His jet went down not long after things started to go south." she said after a moment of silence, and he knew there was so much more than she was telling him.

"Why would they have done something like that?"

"I don't know. I guess they wanted to make sure I didn't defect like they'd thought I was going to.. Make sure I was only loyal to them and no one else. Not even a husband."

"That's sick.. How could they do that to someone? Weren't you only eighteen at the time?"

"Nearing nineteen, but yes. I just got done with a mission and was about to lay down since I had to head back to base the next morning when I got the call. They said he was testing a jet, and that something went wrong and he went down with the flames." she swallowed after her words, a muscle in her jaw feathering as she remembered that evening, along with the one she refused to remind him of that had ended up leading to his death and James being ripped from her life yet again.

The cup he'd been drinking out of was crushed in his grip, and he growled, shaking his head again. "Those sick.. if they were still around I'd rip each one of their heads off. What they did to you, to us, to every other one there, was sick." he spat. Blinking a few times she looked up and reached over to put her hand on his arm. "How could they.." he trailed off when he noticed the gesture and looked up to meet her gaze. In his eyes was a rage that would terrify most, but she was able to see the undertone of remorse and she squeezed his arm gently.

"Come on.. Let's get back to the tower. We can watch a movie or find something else to do for a bit. Enough of this talk.. we can't exactly change the past." she suggested, forcing a smile onto her face.

"Alright…" he agreed, getting up and throwing the crushed cup into a trash can and then putting his arm around her shoulder again to walk with her. His grip was a bit more protective, but she didn't mind it, knowing he was probably going back to remembering and that having her close might help somehow.

 _ **A/N:**_ I have a quick question for you guys, how do you like translations setup? At the end or after the words in parentheses or another way. Comment your votes! I have chapters coming up that will need them. Also, sorry for taking so long to write this next bit up. I have multiple chapters written up already, it's just the first few we lost the beginning so it's hard to rewrite the beginning. College really caught up with her, and my senior year of high school is really catching up with me. I'm writing as much as I can, and terribly sorry for the delays! Also if the rides descriptions were bad it's because I've never been on them I just watched a quick video from a first person point of view on youtube haha. I actually haven't been on any in years so..

Reviews are very helpful though so keep them coming!


	3. Distractions

They started walking back towards the tower, and she noticed that he was slowly starting to seem more distant and a bit tense. It wasn't obvious, just the way his pace had changed. The way his hands seemed to clench just barely at his sides, and how his smile didn't seem as genuine. She couldn't help but feel concerned for him but wasn't going to push it quite yet. They both tended to wait for the other to crack when they were upset, or just stayed quiet and listened when they talked. When they began to near the tower she could tell he was lagging behind a bit, and stopped as they reached the door.

"Hey are you okay?" she finally asked.

"Yeah of course, I'll meet you upstairs in a minute." he assured, giving her an unconvincing smile. She hesitated for a moment before nodding, knowing by the look he needed a little bit of time alone. When she headed into the building she hadn't really planned to go further than the common living room knowing he would have to come up soon. At least this way if she was needed he wouldn't have to walk too far. It wasn't even a few seconds after she had sat down that she heard a loud scream, one that sounded like a combination of mourning and pain, from outside. Quickly recognizing it at his, she got up and darted towards the elevator to reach him before he drew too much attention. She found him hunched forward on the sidewalk and holding his head, screaming at his memories by the looks of it. Her own thoughts flicked to when she had first arrived at S.H.I.E.L.D. and the memories had begun breaking through again. Thankfully she had Clint to help her through the worst of it, though it had taken even longer for her to begin truly talking about it. James and her had history though, so it would likely be easier to convince him to talk. She knelt down beside him and put her hand on his shoulder, gauging how he would react to touch. He didn't seem to react much and she slid his arm around her shoulder, knowing she needed to make sure he got inside and could be made comfortable. At least he'd stopped screaming, but he still appeared to gaze into the distance. The expression on his face was heartbreaking, and she began murmuring soothing words to console.

Eventually she got him situated onto the couch beside her, and she ran a hand over his hair lightly. She wasn't going to push him if he didn't want to talk about it, but she figured just showing him she'd be there would be enough for now.

"I keep.. I see what HYDRA made me do.." he said quietly.

"You're not with them anymore. You're okay. All you can do is keep living and try to be a better person than what they made you."

"I guess so.." he agreed, just leaning into her hold for a few minutes. She resumed murmuring softly near his ear, and rubbed his shoulder lightly. "How did you know not to go too far?" he asked after a few seconds of silence from his side.

"Come on Barnes, we know each other too well. You were acting funny, that usually meant their control was loosening, or that you were stressed out." she said and felt him move his head onto her shoulder.

"True.. Still sorry about what they did to you. I wish I could ha-" he was cut off by her shaking her head.

"Don't do that to yourself. We are who we are because of it. Can't change it. You told me to stop beating myself up over things I couldn't control.. take your own advice." she whispered and ran her hand over his hair lightly.

"Talia.. I.." he squeezed his eyes shut and she drew his head to lay on her shoulder. "I-I shot.. you twice. I tried to kill Steve. I nearly did.. the idiot just let his shield fall and.. I would have. I could have killed two of the most important people in my life. I-.." he cut himself off again with a shaky breath and she heard the sound of his metal fist clenching tightly at his side.

"He doesn't blame you. It wasn't your fault."

"You keep saying that, but it was still me. Under someone else's control or not. I could have _killed both of you._ I wouldn't have cared. I wouldn't have.. It would have been just another completed mission…" his tone made him sound old and tired, like the guilt currently pressing in on his mind was becoming a crushing weight. She couldn't stand the tone, and moved her hand to rub his back gently.

"And I still wouldn't have blamed you. Look, we both know what it's like to be unable to control our own actions completely. To be tugged out and made into weapons. You need to know that not all the blame is on you. When you were slowly breaking through, I saw it. Granted I shot at you afterwards because you were about to shoot Steve, but I knew you saw you trying to figure out where you'd heard that name before. Becoming just a little more you for even a few seconds. You know you weren't fully in control of yourself. That's like blaming someone for.. for.. something they did in their sleep." she paused, thinking if it was a decent analogy or not. "Like.. Accidentally knocking a candle over, or.. breaking something. Probably not the same, but were they aware of what they were doing? No."

"I guess you're right.." he agreed after a moment of silence, looking over at her. Noticing the long strands that had fallen in his face, she pushed them behind his ear and smiled lightly at him. "It's all been coming back pretty quickly lately."  
"I know. It was the same for me.. Pretty jarring when certain memories weren't proven to actually exist. But I broke through their programming. The cuffs, the compulsive food hoarding, everything. It took time, I started gaining my own memories back, becoming more sure of what things were real. It took even longer to come to terms with everything.. Because we've both done a lot of stuff that isn't exactly going to earn any people of the year awards or whatever. What I'm saying is if I can break it, I can help you. We can get through this." she assured, watching his expression.

"How do you always know what to say?" he asked, meeting her calm green eyes with his own tortured brown ones. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that stuff alone.. I would have helped if I could."  
"I know you would have. I wasn't alone either, I had Clint. I figured I could try and keep the whole path going, help you with some of this."

"Clint, hmm? He that one guy I would see you around when I wasn't quite cooperating with anyone and wandering around here?" he asked.

"Yeah. I figured you'd come around when you were ready, after adjusting to this century and all, figuring out what was real.."  
"I have any competition with that one?" he asked, a teasing note to his words that seemed to hint he was getting a better grip on himself and reality again.

"Him? No." she said with a slight chuckle. "He's been my partner and best friend for years, but that's the extent. Most people seem to think there is or was something going on between us though." she chuckled at the words, and he joined in, before moving away to run a hand over his face and look at her.

"I guess I'll have to thank him for that somehow whenever he's around."

"Yeah. Idiot would probably stick magnets on your arm though."  
"I hope he knows my arm isn't like that.."

"Let's just not inform him about that. Scare him a little when they fall down and you turn around to look at him."  
"Sounds like a plan to me." he agreed.

"Hey. I know this one place, you might like it. Not going to tell you what it is, trust me?" she arched a brow, deciding it might be a good idea to get out again for a little. That and it was nearing lunch, so she figured he would like it.

"Alright, wherever this place is better be good." he said, standing up and adjusting his jacket briefly. His hand wasn't overtly noticeable, though he pulled the thin gloves back on again. "Lead the way."

Natasha nodded and pulled him in the direction of the elevator when he slipped his hand into hers. When they stepped inside the elevator she hit the button and the doors closed. It didn't take long for them to make their way down to the garage, and she pulled her keys out of her pocket to get the car. She hit a button and heard the beep beep of the car, and began walking towards it. "I'm driving, by the way." she added, pulling open her door as he was about to open it for her. He rolled his eyes at her before heading over to the passenger's side and opening it.

* * *

"Did you have to speed all the way here?" he asked, his knuckles slowly returning from white from the way he'd been clenching his hands on the seat.

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad." she scoffed, nudging him with her elbow and then getting out of the car.

"Now are you going to tell me where we're going?"

"Not yet. Just be more patient." she said and chuckled slightly. They walked for a few minutes in relative silence before the building came into view. "So?" she asked, glancing back at him. The scene in front of them was that of perfectly manicured grass, willow trees, and cobblestone paths. The building itself was stone, very much resembling a castle. The lighting illuminated each stone, making it seem to almost shine. It was a stunning sight to say the least.

"It's beautiful. How did you find this place?"  
"After the whole thing with SHIELD, I was trying to lay low. Made a few new covers, explored some places. Dyed my hair for a little while. I found this place when I was just driving around." she said and shrugged.

"Oh? What color?" he asked, glancing over at her as he continued to walk in the direction

"Blonde. It was weird." she shook her head at the memory.

"I see.. Well so far this place is really nice." he put his arm around her shoulder after a moment, beginning to walk with her towards the arches of the building.

"I know. You should see it in the winter or spring. The flowers in bloom are beautiful around here, but in the winter it almost looks mystical with all the ice."

"Maybe we could come here sometime like that." he suggested before taking her hands in his and pulling her close in a small dance. "How long has it been since we've danced together?" he asked.

"Years I believe." she responded, letting themselves fall into a familiar rhythm from so long ago. "Don't step on my toes."  
"Wouldn't dream of it." he said with a chuckle, spinning her out and then pulling her back against him with her back pressed against his chest. "Just like old times."

"Definitely." she agreed, her head moving to rest against his shoulder.

"As good a dancer as I remember." he said, spinning her around and then pulling her to face him before kissing her forehead again.

"Forehead getting a lot of love lately." she commented at the gentle contact, briefly smiling before they spun again. It was a simple rhythm, one that didn't require any actual music to follow.

"Could love other parts if you wanted." he said, his tone deepening as his lips passed by her ear before beginning to press light kisses to the skin there. A breathy sigh escaped her lips and she smiled in return as he spun her around, then pulled her close again. When he pulled back suddenly and took off at a run she realized exactly what he had been trying to do.

"Not funny James!" she growled as she bolted after him. He shot her an amused look over his shoulder at her, before weaving past an elderly couple that seemed to freeze at the sight of their speed through the halls.

"Catch me if you can!" he called over his shoulder, only causing her to run faster to keep up with him. When she was a few feet away she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around him to pull him down to the ground.

You're losing your edge old man." she teased as she settled her weight strategically to keep him pinned.

"Oh? I am?" he asked, flipping her over and pinning her wrists in his grip. "I think this says differently." he smirked mischievously at her.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Whatever you say. Weren't we going to get food?" she asked and arched a brow at him, though her eyes did briefly flick over the way their bodies were so close together.

"Yes, we were." he agreed and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead before pulling her off the ground. He chuckled slightly and pulled a piece of grass out of her hair as she stuck her tongue out at him.

"What are you thinking of getting?" she asked as they passed through the door. Inside was lined with various types of old artwork.

"Probably soup. Haven't had soup in a while. Ma used to make the best soups, even if we didn't have a whole lot for them." he said, holding open the door for her to step in so they could be seated. Surprisingly enough there weren't many people in at that time of day, and this resulted in them almost immediately being greeted so they could be seated. They were both given two glasses of water, and the menus, before the woman left them alone again to go tend to her other customers.

Natasha opened up her menu, and began to look through it for a moment. "They still have the chicken I got here last time." she commented. "You're going to love the food here, they're great. Everything is made from scratch, no prepackaged anything here." she said after a moment, putting down the glass of water she'd been drinking.

"If you say so." he said as he began searching through the menu. "Seems the special for today is a broccoli cheddar soup? You ever try that?" he asked, taking a drink of his water as he watched her.

"Get it. I'm stealing some of it from you though." she said and shrugged, smiling at him briefly.

"No problem. You used to steal my food all the time anyway." he seemed indifferent and just put the menu down.

Once both their menus had been put back down in front of them, the waitress returned to check on them and take their orders. She ordered the chicken in a creamy sauce, and he took the special. The menus were taken off the table, and then they were left alone again. Her gaze traveled around the room, noticing the tall windows that illuminated the room and the rich, deep tapestries around the walls. "Ever wonder what life would have been like that long ago?"  
"Other than dying of illness or an abscess tooth? Maybe interesting. You would probably get bored though." he said with a shrug.

"Probably. I think I like it in this time period, even if people still have a lot of problems." she agreed.

"Yeah. No plagues, that's one benefit." he added, leaning back against his seat a bit.

The waitress returned after another five minutes, putting their food down in front of them and refilled their glasses. "Can I get you anything else?" she asked.

"No, thank you though. This looks good." he commented, which made her nod and then glance between the two of them and leave.

"Bon Appetit." she chuckled slightly before grabbing her knife and beginning to cut up the chicken to eat.

"I ever tell you how bizarre you are? Because you are. This isn't even a french place."

She grabbed his spoon while he was talking and then took a bite, smirking when he just stopped talking to watch her in amusement.

"You really don't change." he shook his head at her.

"Not when it comes to stealing your food." she agreed and chuckled slightly, before returning to her chicken. "Here try." she said, offering out a bite on her own fork.

He leaned forward and took a bite, chewing thoughtfully for a moment. "Yeah, that's pretty good."

"I told you so." she said and then resumed eating, her gaze wandering around the room again before settling on him. He chuckled slightly before continuing to eat, both of them lapsing into silence as they watched the other and occasionally stole bites of each other's food.

They finished their food after a while of talking and eating, and soon their plates and bowls have been cleaned of any scraps left.

"Have a nice evening." the waitress said as she came by to drop off their bill, and also collected their dishes after being sure that there was nothing left they wanted.

"You too ma'am." Bucky said, pulling out his wallet just as Natasha was about to grab her own.

"Seriously?" she asked, arching a brow at him and shaking her head.

"Seriously. I'm paying this time." he said before putting the amount of the bill down, along with a generous tip.

"Fine. This place is closing soon it looks like, let's get going." she said with an eyeroll, before putting down another five for the tip and then getting up. She ignored his grumbling and then began to walk towards the door after he took her hand again.

They headed out the restaurant's doors and down the hall, heading in the direction that she had parked her car. She swung the key ring around on her other finger. Her gaze occasionally lingered around the area as they walked, appreciating the scenery. It didn't take more than five minutes for them to walk back through the path she'd taken to prevent him from seeing where they were going, and then unlocking the car with the button. He opened the door for her before going and slipping into the passenger's seat.

He was a gentleman as always, it seemed old habits really did die hard. Once the key was in the ignition she put the car in drive and stepped on the gas, much to his chagrin. Did she really need to drive so quickly half the time? Probably not.

* * *

He gave a relieved breath and released his grip on the seat as they parked. "At least we survived."

"Oh come on I'm not that bad." she scoffed

"Whatever you say Talia." he smirked, then leaned over and kissed her forehead. She leaned into the brief touch and then chuckled, before pulling out the keys and getting out of her door. He met her on the other side of the car, and then slid his hand into hers again as they headed towards the elevator.

* * *

 **A/N:** Holy shit guys I am so sorry about not updating, my computer was acting up and then I just kind of forgot. The fact that even months later people are reviewing AND SO NICELY TOO? Blows me away. Honestly I didn't know this would gather interest like it has. Thanks for the reviews. I partially lost muse for continuing this fic too for a while and our rp died... but I decided to take it into my own hands to continue anyway :)  
ALSO HAPPY NEW YEAR!  
One resolution: Update more.

Questions, comments, concerns, recommendations for future chapters? You know where to send them!


	4. I Love You

_Little Note: Sex scene in this chapter, and more to come, but figured it was a given with this being an M._

"What else did you have planned for today?" he asked, adjusting his hold on her and nuzzling his nose into her hair. They had situated themselves onto the couch, and his metal arm was wrapped around her torso while his other hand played with her curls.

"A bath sounded nice." she suggested, though not entirely wanting to get up from the comfortable position they had gotten into.

"Sure." he agreed, scooping her into his arms to keep her close. They didn't have far to go to reach the bathroom, as they had come up to her floor to be alone. He put her on the counter as he drew the bath and then returned to her again, making sure to keep it warm but not too hot. Their lips met instantly, and she snaked an arm around his neck to twine her fingers through the long dark strands. She'd always loved his hair long, enjoying the silky texture and the way he would growl when she tugged on it gently. The cold of his arm caused goosebumps to raise on her flesh, and she deepened the kiss as his hands expertly undid the buttons and began to remove the jeans. She had taken off her shoes when they'd come up, so that was one less thing to worry about.

Her hands moved to remove the pants he was wearing also, as he tossed hers off to the side. He helped her by breaking the kiss and tossing his into a pile also. Then he set on removing her shirt, and she did the same. After a few seconds of breaking apart to discard clothes and hungry kisses, they were undressed and her legs had slipped around his waist instead of dangling off the counter. He groaned slightly at the contact, and slipped an arm under her to carry her to the now mostly filled tub, only parting to turn the water off.

"Are you sure Talia?" he asked as they sunk into the tub, wanting to be sure she was comfortable. They had years to make up for it seemed, and god, how he'd missed her.

"Yes." she agreed, letting her hand trace down his side as their lips met again. Her lips parted with ease as he slipped his tongue in to begin a small battle of dominance. They were both mostly submerged with how he had position them, and his metal arm gripped her hip. As usual there would be a bruise there, but she didn't really care. Instead she continued their fight, her hands tugging on his hair again. He growled and flipped them with ease, being sure not to hurt her with the movement, and also supporting her to prevent her from slipping under with his pin against the tubs side.

"God I've missed you.." he growled, moving his lips from hers and trailing down to her neck. "Still the same.." he nipped and sucked at her throat, eliciting a breathy moan from her.

"I've missed you too." she agreed, tightening her hold with her legs as he worked.

"Still the only one you ever let top?" he asked, moving to her collarbone. He was marking her clearly, and she didn't care. Her fingers only gave another tug, while one of his hands slipped under the water.

"You just know me too well." she said, her words cutting into a gasp as his hand found the space between her legs. He set to work by moving his fingers slowly, slipping in one while palming her lightly. Then his mouth began traveling back up her throat, to the spot behind her ear. It had been something he'd discovered one night during a blizzard in St. Petersburg.

"Still the same.." he said as he kissed the skin, feeling her shudder beneath him. "Gets you every time.." he added, only encouraged to mark there too when her nails had moved to his back. If he was going to mark her so thoroughly, she was planning on leaving him some of her own.

As his hands continued to work, her grip with her this tightened and she groaned when he slipped a second finger in. Her head moved to begin working at his neck next, and they easily moved to adjust to each other's plans. They'd always known each others moves before they made it, making a formidable pair, both in fights and sex. She could feel he had become hard, as it was brushing against her thigh. She reached down to tease him lightly with her fingers, all while nipping and sucking at his neck. He shuddered and his grip on her almost faltered, and his growl sounded again. He slipped in a third finger, moving them quickly and almost desperately.

"I need you.. I need you.." he murmured, his words taking on a blend between Russian and English.

"Then take me.." she spread her legs just a bit more, still working at his neck until he moved her head to claim her mouth. Just as their kisses were becoming more heated, he positioned himself, and in one swift motion he was inside. A cry of pleasure was drowned out by his mouth, and her body quickly adjusted as he filled her.

"I love when you make that sound.." he groaned against her lips, beginning to move his hips slowly. He was teasing her even now, being slow to thrust in each time, and she could feel the demanding way her legs tightened. As he moved his lips back to her neck, roaming between throat and ear, he picked up the pace. The metal of his arm roamed up to her breasts also, beginning to play with the nipple there and massage them. He knew she enjoyed it in the past, and he continued his work with a type of reverence.

Soon their bodies were moving in quick succession, him slamming into her and her moans coming easier. She would buck against him if he slowed too much, knowing what he was doing. When he had almost completely pulled out though, she shook her head, and quickly pulled him back with her legs.

He could feel himself getting closer, and from the way she was shuddering occasionally he could sense she was too but holding it in. He wanted to make her scream his name, so he began moving faster and harder, all while using his arm to dig into her lower back while working at the skin behind her ear.

"James!" she cried out, a string of Russian expletives flowing from her mouth, which he took in his own again. When he felt her walls tighten around him again as she came, he groaned and came too. They were both groaning each others names as they rode out their climaxes, while he continued to thrust greedily into her. Eventually though he slipped out of her, and just held her carefully as they caught their breath.

He'd almost forgotten how wonderful she felt, but now he could remember each time before. The same blissful expression, the same heaving chest, and the same perfect eyes filled with lust and something she had never named. As her eyes drifted shut, he decided to name it himself, and his lips brushed her earlobe.

"I love you Natalia.." he hummed against her ear as he kissed her cheek. Her eyes shot open at the words and she tensed. He seemed to notice her new tension and the way she hadn't answered immediately because he drew back to look at her. "What's wrong?" he asked, noticing the way there was barely masked fear in her eyes drowning out the blissful lust that had been there.

"I.. Everyone who's ever told me that or I've told that has died or I've had to kill..." she said and blinked once. It was a childish fear, yes, but she'd tried to avoid ever saying those words even if it was in a friendly, or auntish in Clint's kids case, manner.

He brushed a thumb over her cheek as a tear escaped her eyes. He knew her history well, knew she had every reason to think that way, and cursed himself. "Hey. Listen to me, I'm not going anywhere. If you haven't noticed I'm kind of hard to kill." he said. "You don't have to say it back either.. It's okay. We're safe though."

"That's the problem, I've always cared about you.. Ever since you started becoming more than a trainer. I admired you as a little girl. I don't want to lose you.. Not again." she shook her head, burying it against his neck. It wasn't an I love you, but the meaning still rang true, and he wrapped his arm around her.

"You won't lose me Talia.. I love you. I'm not going anywhere. Not again." he promised, pressing his lips to her forehead lightly.

Minutes of silence passed between them, and they finally noticed the water was growing colder and decided it was time to get out. He picked her up, standing her upright and grabbing two towels for themselves. She towel dried her the hair much as possible, before securing the fluffy towel around herself. She felt arms hook under her and she was swept off her feet as he decided to carry her back to the room.

When he opened the door to her room he carried her over to the bed and laid her down before laying down on the other side and grabbing the remote from the bedside table. "We didn't used to have these in bedrooms." he said as he turned on the TV.

"Yeah. This century has a lot of different things." she agreed, adjusting her towel and stretching out contently as her head moved to his shoulder.

"We should watch a movie. Relax for a bit." he suggested, flipping through the channels. "What's Jurassic Park?" he asked.

"Dinosaur movie. It's actually pretty good. We can watch that."

"Dinosaurs? How did they pull this one off?" he seemed curious and smiled a bit wider, clicking on the movie. It popped up, and almost instantly his eyes widened. "Are these all.. Technology really has changed." he seemed enraptured by the film already, and she turned her head to watch it also.

She had watched it a few times with Clint during a movie marathon of whatever was on, so she knew it pretty well. Introducing him to this though was nice, a way to bring him up on the present more, while keeping it relaxed. The scenes played out on the screen, and she would smile at the surprised expressions or the way he commented on certain scenes.

Eventually she dozed off on his shoulder, deciding to just let him continue watching the film. It was almost over anyway, and she could tell he would be falling asleep soon enough also.

She blinked awake when she felt him moving, and sat up. He looked like he was in a state of distress, and mumbling something she couldn't make out. She decided to nudge him to get him to wake up, being careful not to be too harsh and allow him to wake up slowly.

"Кто ты?! Где я?!" he yelled when he suddenly jolted awake, moving so he was holding her down in one swift movement.

"Relax, you're here with me. You're safe. Snap out of it." she said, knowing he had to be having a lapse back to his earlier programming, and seemed to be stuck on Russian again.

"Я не доверяю тебе!" he yelled, before bringing one hand back and quickly slapping her, the force causing her head to jerk to the side. "Не лги мне!"

"Я не вру. Это я. Наталья." she said calmly, watching his eyes and preparing to move her head to the side quickly as he raised a fist to strike again. Just as she was about to move, he paused mid strike and blinked a few times. He looked from his fist to her face, back to his fist, and looked back to her in horror. "Shit. Talia what happened?!" he asked, not seeming to fully realize what had just occurred.

"You had a bit of a relapse when you woke up. You were speaking Russian and sounded angry." she explained as he moved off of her quickly.

"I hit you." he said, looking over at her as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Shit.. What.. I knew this wasn't a good idea. I hit you.. I hit you, shit.."

"James.. Bucky.. You're okay. Look at me. You're okay. I'm fine. We've both suffered worse. I'll live, just breathe."

"Not from each other! I _hit you!_ I wanted to _kill_ you. I.. I couldn't stop, I just.. _Shit!"_ he swore.

"Stop. It's okay. I trust you.. Look at me." she reached up with so fingers to make him look at her.

"Why do you trust me?" he asked, looking surprised and a bit confused.

"You want to know why I trust you so much?" she asked, watching his panicked pacing. "I love you." When he paused with wide eyes, she nodded. " _I love you James_. So much. I trust you. You've never hurt me when you were in control. I trust you." she said, getting up to cross the room and put her hand on his shoulder.

"I love you too." he said, suddenly seeming to be less upset, and wrapping his arms around her. "I love you so much.. How did I ever deserve this.."

"Once weapons.. Now here we are.." she agreed, pressing her lips to his. He scooped her into his arms, deciding to just let themselves lay down again and relax, though he couldn't shake the guilt that he could have hurt her worse than a mere punch. She continued to rub his back soothingly, and felt him exhale a shaky breath. Once he seemed to be calmer, she led him back over to the bed and continued to rub his back even as he leaned into her side.

A/N: So sorry for not updating, my resolution kind of died the second I got back to school.. I wanted to waive my exams so I needed As and Bs in my classes so I wasn't writing, but I felt awful seeing all the follows and reviews. Now that I've graduated though I'm going to be working on this more. I also have another fan fiction I started, covering her time in the red room, which will cover basically everything and yes, cute/angsty WinterWidow moments haha..

Also Civil War killed me.

 _ **Translations:**_

Кто ты?! Где я?! - Who are you?! Where am I?

Я не доверяю тебе! - I do not trust you!

Не лги мне! - Do not lie to me!

Я не вру. Это я. Наталья - I am not lying. It's me. Natalia.


End file.
